Things have definitely taken a turn. I had thought things were getting better and on a steady rise. Suspicion however dies hard, and misunderstanding of levels of disclosure have taken it's toll. It has been said that there are things to say to fix things, however, most of what I would say has ben repeated many times, and although the meaning is deep, the words are hollow. I've hurt a very special someone badly several times, and although try not to, and will keep trying not to, I can't help but feel that it will happen again. As much as I try to listen to what she says and follow the guidelines set, things end up going badly. Quite possibly a misunderstanding of sorts, even if I she nods her head when I repeat back how I understood it.
I am packing my belongings up. At her request I am looking for other living arrangements. I'd fight to stay, to belong, and be accepted back, but I don't know how to fight for what I want. Too often I let too many emotions and thoughts cloud my view of what I want. This time is no different.
I thought things were getting better. Now, who knows?
1 comment:
Oh, I'm so sorry about ...everything. I'm sorry for not being there like you were for me, and for not getting your email, and for not checking this sooner than I checked my email. I wanted to check this and then write back an email. I hope maybe things are going a little better. Lots of love. *big hug*
--AmandaN/McG.
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