Monday, March 28, 2005

Brand new week

Well, it's monday. Woke up and decided not to go to my morning classes today. . . Bed just felt so good. The company I had definitely helped with that. After dropping Darbi off at work, I came back home to do Algebra, and even though I love math, I decided to lay down in that warm bed again. With plans of getting up around 10 and making it to my 1230 English class, I soon dozed off. Woke up to the CD playing in my ear at 10 and promptly turned it off, rolled over, and slept some more. I really do nbeed to stay up more and be productive, but wow. Warm bed. N-i-i-i-i-c-e.

Within a minute or so of me waking the second time (third actually) I recieved a phone call. It was Darbi telling me that she and Luci had a long chat this morning about me and a bunch of other stuff and now seemed to be pretty good friends; or at least on the way to a decent friendship. I bet I'm in for some interesting conversations in the future. Wish me luck !

Spent the weekend out of town. Went and met Darbi's parents. . . no big thing, just happened to be along for the visit. They seem cool, and the seem to like me. I am in absolute awe of their house. It's HUGE as well as the yard. They've got massive amounts of land, and loads of animals. It's gorgeous out there. The only possible drawback is that it's a couple of miles out of a small town that's a few hours from a big town. But that's not too bad.

Went and saw Robots and Ring 2 also. Robots, difintely go and see if you get the chance. Wait for Ring 2. Not nearly as creepy as the first one. Decent plot, but just not nearly as creepy. Oh well.

That's about all for this weekend's update other than getting a little bit of homework done. So long for now. I'll talk at ya'll all later on. Be safe out there in this mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Cafe Day !!

So far in my life there seem to be only one person that can really pis me off. Not just get on my nerves, but make me lose it and actuall yell, and possibly throw something (not at her, I would never allow myself to do that). This person is my daughter's mother *Luci* Although I understand a lot of why she thinks some things, the way she assumes others is what gets me in a rankle.

But enough of that. On to better things for now. I'm wearing a couple of my new sarongs today *grin* I've got my new blue one wrapped around correctly down to my ankles, and the other new one (green with blue dragonflies) is around my waist like a sash/cumberbund type thing. Yes, I have gotten a few strange looks and comments here at school, and I've only been to two classes so far. Still have another to go, as well, as lunch at Casa Ole, and some banking. I'm used to it by now although I still feel slightly on edge when certain people stare. I don't like responding to smartasses, or punk kids trying to pick a fight or something. Really annoying. And pointless, because more than likely, I'll crack a joke back at them and laugh it off. I'm not getting into a fight over something as insignificant as your close-minded opinion.

Hmm, what else? I've only got a few more boxes left at the house to bring up to *Darbi's* and then some stuff that'll wait til i get my van back (the closet, shelf, icebox/sink that goes in my van). It's a great day outside today. I've got to fix my bike when I get back home too. Oh yeah ! I've still got another bike sitting at my aunt's for me to bring up too. . . I've got WAY too much crap. That migh wait til my van is fixed too. . . OH ! Look at the time ! Time to go to lunch. All ya'll take it easy and hope you get a chance to lay in the grass today and feel the sun pass by slowly.

See ya !

Friday, March 18, 2005

Still Friday ! Woo~~

Yup Still Friday and the weather is GREAT outside

I'm officially (sort of) moved in with *Darbi* and Co. now I only have a few more items and boxes to shift locality of The big things are my bike and my computer, which I'm going to try to do today Also I'm going to head down and make Molly's final repair payment and hope to have her back within the next couple of weeks For those of you who don't know(probably many) Molly is my van. . .a 1973 microbus with camping modifications I added a moonroof and took out the sink and closet, but still have the bench-seat / bed and the card table I can't wait to drive her again Woo ! Well I'm off to lunch Going to Casa Ole as usual and going to probably draw a little while I eat If you ever want to try to find me a good place to look is at the Casa Ole near San Jac in Deer Park on M-W-F right after they open I'm hard to miss if you know what you're looking for Maybe I'll see you one day Maybe you'll see me

Take it easy every one I'm outta here !! Enjoy the sun !

It's Friday !! Woo ~~

Okay this is going to be a two parter, only 'cause I forgot to post this past Wednesday on something that rankled me fiercely. . .

I have to ask Where has most common traffic courtesy gone??? I'm mainly talking about the little lever on the side of the steering column. . . yes. That's the one. The turn signal. I was driving down to class from the Woodlands the other day (long ass trip down to Deer Park) and several people jumped into my lane in front of me as if their life depended on it. About 8 out of 12 people didn't even bother putting a signal on. I would have been satisfied with even a half-cracked-signal-as-I-am-changin,-last-minute-thought signal. It's not that hard.

Next. Granted it was raining for the beginning of my trip, but 30 mph. . .c'mon ! Even after the rain stopped (well almost stopped; it was drizzling) usually traffic is moving at least 50. Not this time. All the way down 45 from 1960 down past the northside of 610 was going 30. And not steadily either. Stop. Go. Stop. Crawl forward. Stop. Although that is another of my biggest peeves, I can handle it for a little stretch of road. But not all the way down.

I don't know if god was bored and felt like being malicious that morning, or if there was just a massive case of "what-the-hell" going on, but Damn, Was I glad I was on 610 out of the mess. It too me and hour to get from woodlands pkwy to the 610 loop. Blah !

Okay. . .I'm done. Sorry for griping. Thanks for listening. And as always, let me know if I eve unjustly opinionize upon everyone.

It's Friday !! Woo ~~

Okay this is going to be a two parter, only 'cause I forgot to post this past Wednesday on something that rankled me fiercely. . .

I have to ask Where has most common traffic courtesy gone??? I'm mainly talking about the little lever on the side of the steering column. . . yes. That's the one. The turn signal. I was driving down to class from the Woodlands the other day (long ass trip down to Deer Park) and several people jumped into my lane in front of me as if their life depended on it. About 8 out of 12 people didn't even bother putting a signal on. I would have been satisfied with even a half-cracked-signal-as-I-am-changin,-last-minute-thought signal. It's not that hard.

Next. Granted it was raining for the beginning of my trip, but 30 mph. . .c'mon ! Even after the rain stopped (well almost stopped; it was drizzling) usually traffic is moving at least 50. Not this time. All the way down 45 from 1960 down past the northside of 610 was going 30. And not steadily either. Stop. Go. Stop. Crawl forward. Stop. Although that is another of my biggest peeves, I can handle it for a little stretch of road. But not all the way down.

I don't know if god was bored and felt like being malicious that morning, or if there was just a massive case of "what-the-hell" going on, but Damn, Was I glad I was on 610 out of the mess. It too me and hour to get from woodlands pkwy to the 610 loop. Blah !

Okay. . .I'm done. Sorry for griping. Thanks for listening. And as always, let me know if I eve unjustly opinionize upon everyone.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Good and bad; it happens now and then.

So first off, I have to say that last week was great. *Bean* is so beautiful and I guess you could call it chatty even though no one understands what she says yet. After all, she's only 8 months. *Luci* is still the same *Luci* That's both good and bad. Although I don't think I could ever date her again, I wouldn't have her change for the world.

That's was the good. As for the bad, it seems some sinus and lung congestion I've had for the past 3 or 4 weeks has apparently been something a little worse. Yesterday before I took *Luci* to the airport, I was feeling a little worse than normal. Upset stomach, a little headach. I just chocked it up to anxiety or something. Well after I dropped her off and returned home after dropping off *Darbi's* car, I decided to lay in bed. Didn't feel like doing anything else. Not even getting on the computer much. So I crawled into bed, and stayed there from aroun 4 or 5 pm until about 7 this morning when my alarm went off for me to go to school. "Nope," says I, "ain't happening." So I rolled over and lay there for another 3 or 4 hours. I've been up since then having hot flashes , drinking water, and watching t.v. Only time i get up is to refill my glass or to blow some lung chunks into the garbage can.

That's al for now folks. Perhaps I'll see a doctor soon. *Luci* says she won't help me pay for my van's repairs, but she'll be damned if I feel this bad for this long. Makes me feel pretty good.

I'll see ya'll folks later on. Take it easy everyone.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Long awaited visit

Since June my family has been waiting to se emore than photos of my daughter - to actually meet her and hold her and spoil her a bit. The day(s) have finally come. Well, they're coming soon anyway. Starting this Sunday *Luci* and *Little Bean* will be here in Texas ! Even though she probably does not believe me wholly when I say it, I am going to very happy to see and hold her again. I'm talking about *Luci* as well as *Bean.* I may have fallen out of love with her, and am moving on, but I still care and miss her now and then.

Next week I may or may not be here much. Yes I know how pointless that statement was. I will be traveling a bit touring the family, introducing my ex- and my baby girl.

That's it for now. Gotta do Algebra. See ya'll !
Okay...I'm going to try to finish this up this time. . . Hopefully I won't take up too much more of your time with this.

I left off mentioning how *Luci* is a big phone person. I however am not. She feels like she is making all the effort of keeping our friendship and what's left of our relationship together and kind of working because she is the one to make the phone calls seemingly everyday, and the cahtting and emails more often than I do. I, however, feel like I am doing my part because while on the phone or in the chat box, I ask questions and try to answer using more than one or two words, unlike my counterpart who (during the rough conversations) will utter "okay," and "fine" and "not bad," in answer to my questions. So I just hush up with nothing left to say or ask, and I hear this: "You're quiet. Why?" This is usually the start of a Discussion.

Things are getting better though. We both attribute to the roughness of the conversations. We both dig and push. I think I see daylight at the end of our tunnel.

Well, on to my point of bad news on Mondays (yes, I had a point when I started 3 or 4 days ago).

*Luci* had talked with me about her going to the courthouse to file paperwork so that custody was official and not just by vocal agreement. Well, I agree that this is fine and dandy, but didn't expect what I got in the mail this particular Tuesday that felt like a Monday. Actual Monday, I found in the mailbox a li'l pink slip to pick a certified letter up from the local post office. So down I go. Pick it up and sign for it. Look at all the millions of stamps on it. The return address from Virgina. Hmm. . .What's this?? Open it up. Unfold it. **lean in close to look at it ** Whoa !! Check this out. . . It's a court summons ! Says "I COMMAND YOU" to appear in this court on this date. Nope. Not happening. Can't afford it. Wish I could, but can't. But the good news is that *Luci* had been talking around to family and friends, and apparently we can get papers drawn up the we both agree on, and get them notarized, and that should be suffice to represent my presence in court. That's what I'm hoping at least. We'll find out soon.

Okay, the telling of the tale so far is not complete in information and sub-stories, but has reached the present time. Bits of the story may come up later on as lost chapters and little anecdotes, but that will be for time to tell.

So long for now friends and foes, young and old. See you 'round next time.

Keep on keepin' on. Take it easy.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Intermission

Figure I'll take a small break from my trip down memory lane to say," Jeezum Crow! ! ! It's raining like a big dog out there ! ! ! AND It's a little on the cold side. But at least I've got the good luck that I'm not on my bike today. . .I'm borrowing my ladyfriend's car today (and tomorrow, and Friday, and all of next week) *Darbi*'s so good to me. More than I deserve probably. ANyway. The rain is great and wonderful [except for the cold] and the wind is spectacular.

I must be off now to do banking, and eat again. It's only been about an hour or so. . . but I'm starving ! ! ! I'll talk to all you cool cats later. Keep it real on the homefornt all my G-dawgs ya'll. *grin* heeheehee. . .

Peace.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

And so I continue...

. . .Not happy, but content. Yes, those were pretty much my exact words. I know, I know...not the best phrasing at all. Not by a long shot. It's a bad habit of mine that I'm slowly trying to remedy, but making little progress. . . Yes, that's where we left off. . . and that was the beginning of the middle of the story. Oy.

I uttered this dreadful phrase to her as we were at her sister's. She had been feeling kinda ill, but we attributited it to a bug that had been going around. No need to jump to conclusions. No need to worry. It's okay; she'll get over this soon. Nope. Didn't happen that way. She comes home one day, looking a little shakey, comes in and just hugs me, and I hold her. Then she pulls it out of her pocket. "Oh, wow." Yup, that was me speaking. Not, "Oh, crap," nor was it, "Oh boy!" but, "Oh, wow." Kind of just neutral. Like I said, it was just something that "is." I know that it only takes one time not being careful, not using a condomn, or pill or whatever. It's heard and told everywhere. And that is exactly what happened.

Imagine us one night, after foreplay, me poised between her legs, both of us more than ready for penetration. However, (if I remember right) we were out of protective rubber sheaths, or they were way across on the other side of the room. Either way, it makes little difference for the following. Prior to this night it had always been with a rubber with her, and I think it would be nice to feel her skin to skin. So I ask, "Do you want to chance it without one?" and I see her nod her head slightly and say okay or some other affirmative response. It felt good. Smooth, warm, and slick. All the things it's supposed to feel like. There's just more sensation and it's so nice.

We finish, or at least I do for sure, and I think she did. It's been a while and as with most minds of men, things like that get fuzzy with time. Like a day or two. You know most of us don't care about that too long after it happens. But, anyway. Directly after as we lay there spooning, me holding her in front of me, I feel her crying quietly. Yes, felt more than heard. "What's the matter?" I ask of her. She mentions something about periods and time intervals, and the relavance kind of dawns on me why she might be crying. I wonder why she didn't mention this before the copulating act, because I probably would have waited til we had protection, or crawled across the bed for one (depending on which memory is correct). Well, that was the end of the bedtime fun for a little while. Once suspicions were confirmed it was back on, and skin to skin everytime; what was the harm?

**Fast forward to mid-December, through the morning (and evening) sickness, crappy feelings, and various other thigs we'll return to later on**

I'm travel down through the states on my way back home - cold as hell in my van. I have no heater. It's a 73 VW bus. My feet are right behind the metal in the front of the bus. Directly behind the pile of snow on my bumper getting buffeted by 60 mph winds. You know those old country AC's? The ice-blocks and fans. Yeah. That's what my feet were behind in the middle of December coming back from NY. Crap. Cold. Ouch. One of the most miserable experiences I've ever experienced in that van. Heck, even not in the van, just ever.

So I'm back home in Texas, looking for work. I catch on with some friends and work up at Scarborough Ren Fair while living off of Unemplpyment Benefits. Not too bad, living in my van up there on the campgrounds. I'll tell you here and now there was sex a plenty there. More, if I had tried, but I just took what came my way. Granted it wasn't that long after breaking up with *Luci* but while this wasn't "empty sex" with someone I'd barely met, it wasn't deep lovemaking with an intimate friend. During this, I'm fairly honest with *Luci* about what's happening. I try to protect her from getting hurt too badly while still try to be honest. I give her guarded facts. We have some rough conversations. We have a few good ones.

Through the months, things have gone uphill and downhill; there are good times and bad on the phone and internet. Mostly she tells me that she feels like she was just another "piece" to me. She doesn't think that I care about her anymore. While I do not love her like I used to, I still do have love for her. I still care about her. Else I would just ignore the phone calls and emails. I would drop out of her life, knowing that I would hurt her by doing so. But I don't. As much as we keep saying stuff to make the other upset -- yes I take blame in stuff not getting better -- I still try. Even though, I don't stay in contact ro talk to her as often as she'd like, I try to make conversation more than a few words at a time.

She is a big phone person. While in NY and when I was in VA to watch *Little Bean* be born ((amazing , ablosutely the biggest, speechless "WOW" you can ever muster)) it seemes she was on the phone, nightly to her mother or her sister)) I however, am not. Give ma half an hour to tell my big stuff, and then it's down to chit chat, and I don't care to chit chat. Unless of course you can counter my stories with another, and we go back and forth for a while like that. One problem , though. . . since the break up and beyond, she doesn't know what to say to me. Therefore I have nothing to counter-converse to. Thus, creating (**insert dramatic music**) a DISCUSSION. We've had numerous of these Discussions. Most of them are worked out to amicable tones, but only after much explaining and debating.

Oh, well.

This isn't exactly a good stopping place, but alas, I must. I'm am running numerous with my words. More will come later. Do not fear. It is inevbitble. . . inebbitavl. . . inevvit. . aww screw it. Continuation is immenent. All things move on and end eventually. . .

Til then - keep on keepin' on.

Story time...history of a li'l girl...*Little Bean*

Bad news usually comes on mondays right. . . ? Isn't that the way things are supposed to happen. . . Well, here's some news. . . it happens on Tuesdays too.

First, a little background for you guys. Back in October of 1999 ( I can remember the exact month cause my father died then ), I started talking to a group of really cool people in a yahoo chat room. Well, things progressed with one of these individuals to the point of talking outside the chatroom on Yahoo messenger, quite often, nearly non-stop. This friendship continued for the better part of 4 years online, while I was in Japan, and in California, and in Iraq. There were a few times when communication was sparse, and feelings got a little rough, but we felt like we loved each other. I believe that I did, and still do to an extent; I may not be in love with her though and wonder if I ever truly was. But that is beside the point for now.

Next step, before I leave for Iraq we actually meet face to face, and body to body. She is as beautiful as I ever imagined. I cried when I saw her and acted all girly as I ran up to hug her as she came walking through the hallway where the plane passengers emerge. Yeah. . . I'm manly. I know. Anyway, that week was alright. I battled traffic for an hour to see her from about 7pm to about 12 midnight every evening for a week and then drove the hour back home. Then back to New York she went, and a few weeks later I get relocated to a vast desert of sandiness and unbelievable heat, surround by fellow Marines. Ooh Rah and all that crap.

Now it's time for me to exit the Marine Corps ((*yay*)) so I come home to US soil again, and drive my VW bus home to texas, but not before I see Norah Jones in concert from like 6 rows back ((*insert more girly screams and tears*)) I make it home and after seeing family, head up to New York to live with *Luci* ((names have been sub'd)) for a bout 3 months. During these three months I realize that although we may agree on a lot of things and I am content in her company, we do not exactly think near enough the same way, and there are several indescribable little things that would drive me crazy had I to stay with her long term. Also during these three months, around Halloween we start to suspect that *Luci* is with child (**nervous shakes**) and shortly before the grand turkey-lurkey-day in November, our suspicions our confirmed via E.P.T. from the local drugstore. I am neither enthusiastic about this, nor am I devastated. I just kind of accept it as something that just "is." To make matters worse emotionally, back around Halloween I let her know my take on the difference of "love" and "in love" as well as telling her that I could settle for her and be content. Not happy, but content. Yes, those were pretty much my exact words. I know, I know...not the best phrasing at all. Not by a long shot. It's a bad habit of mine that I'm slowly trying to remedy, but making little progress.

Let me know if I'm going to fast for any of you all out there. I'll try to slow down a bit and re-explain some stuff. I try to be unbiased when I tell stories, and in later posts about the subject of me and *Luci* and our *Little Bean* If anything need to be cleared up or untangled..feel free to stop me at any time. . . but I digress. . .

Long and short, I've been summoned to court over in VA I believe in regards to custody of *Little Bean* I'm posting this now. "A brief history of *Bean* Part II will appear soon.

Hope I haven't bored ya'll too much; at least you all will know to skip the next posting of Part II if you didn't like this telling of this story. . .As always. . .Take it and be, well, you know.

Mondays....blah..

Well, it's Tuesday but for some reason I almost thought it was Monday. Speaking of which. . . last night at work wasn't too bad. Me and a relatively new girl got swamped waiting on a table of 24 people. PLUS our other two tables. Service was kinda slow for my other 2 tables, and the cooks in the back were all screwy so it was just bad overall for them, but I still got a five dollar tip from each. All-in-all I walked out with 39 bucks *grin.* Another kinda of strange thing about last night/early morning is that I had a pretty interesting dream about one of my coworkers. . . details of the dream will be respectfully omited as well as her name not mentioned. I will say though that in the dream there were photos taken, loose clothing taken off at one point, an a few seductions back and forth between us. Too bad it probably won't go that far out in the waking world. Who know's though. Life is strange but good.
For now I'm back to getting some articles found and a thesis for my english brainstormed and all the jazz. I'm thinking about writing an argumentative about the legalization of free file sharing...but details are yet to be seen.
Have fun everyone ! Take it safe and be easy. . .
or take it easy and be safe. . .
whichever applies more
See ya'll later