... ... ... ...

Things have definitely taken a turn. I had thought things were getting better and on a steady rise. Suspicion however dies hard, and misunderstanding of levels of disclosure have taken it's toll. It has been said that there are things to say to fix things, however, most of what I would say has ben repeated many times, and although the meaning is deep, the words are hollow. I've hurt a very special someone badly several times, and although try not to, and will keep trying not to, I can't help but feel that it will happen again. As much as I try to listen to what she says and follow the guidelines set, things end up going badly. Quite possibly a misunderstanding of sorts, even if I she nods her head when I repeat back how I understood it.

I am packing my belongings up. At her request I am looking for other living arrangements. I'd fight to stay, to belong, and be accepted back, but I don't know how to fight for what I want. Too often I let too many emotions and thoughts cloud my view of what I want. This time is no different. 

I thought things were getting better. Now, who knows?

Tears of joy and sadness...

I am no longer the proud owner of Molly, the wonderful 1973 VW microbus. It now belongs to a local church. I'm extremely happy that went to an owner that should have funds enough to keep her alive and hopefully well.

Later this week I should be driving around in my new Honda Element. Oooooh.....ahhhhh.... Maybe not a NEW Element, but new to me, and definitely newer than Molly. Hopefully no later than Friday, and possibly as soon as tomorrow.

Wow.

10:03 p.m. This 15th Night of March, 2008.

I'm sitting here awake now at almost 2am unable to get to sleep. I am awake! and aware!, more now than I have been in a long while. I'm remembering more of who I used to be. Feeling more of the youth that I was and what I had.

A many of my friends I know have waited for me to remember myself like this. I have been waiting for a while as well. Today is the day I stop waiting (I know, I know - technically it's night) and take a firm hold on my life and the direction I want it to go in.

• Possibly, a haircut.

"Oh, noo!!" I hear in shrieks of protest, "Not your beautiful curls!"

Yes. The beautiful curls. Gone but not forgotten. The spirit will remain alive and burn ever so brightly and with as much music as before. But as everything develops, the exterior becomes sleeker and more efficient. Think Ipod compared to the 8-track. Same groovin tunes inside, new sleek exterior that you don't have to carry around in suitcase.

• Wardrobe may need some cleaning out.

It's high time I weed out some of the old Tshirts and bring in some new pocket T's and button-ups with cool collars. Maybe. Get me into some slacks now and again for no reason and find some jeans that aren't covered in VW grease and paint. I'm not stopping with the skirts though. Those are damn comfy. I plan on investing on some new ones of those as well.

• This list ought've been more than two bullets long.

Now it is. AND! I got to use "ought" and in a contraction, even!


**raises his arm to the night air, drink in hand, and says a toast**

To the past, ever fading and living forever;
To the present, formed by our past and ever changing;
To the future, we know not what it holds but we bear it together.

To this I sign my name:

Christopher Cory Jones
15 MAR 2008

WTF!

Seriously. WTF?

Spring break comes along, so I've got plenty of time to work on the website I haven't touched almost 4 years, catch up on some homework I was lagging on, and just waste a lot of time in general. Nope. So much for those plans. My computer has always had a few li'l glitches and hangups, but recently has been a bit slow. I go to restart and it won't boot up. Not only is it not booting up, it's not detecting hard drives, or RAM. Also the CD drives aren't getting power, and I've no idea if the hard drives are as well or not. And now that my monitor is in power-save mode I can't see what's going on at all, unless I activate it using the keyboard. Oh yeah...computer won't boot up far enough to let me. Son of a gun. Seriously.

Also, no one is buying my van. Sad as I am to be selling it, I'm really eager to have her off my hands and get some cash for a down payment on a newer car. I even called the pick-a-part junkyard, and they said they wouldn't take it because apparently it's "too big for the crusher" after no one wants it and they are done with it. Seriously. A little hippie van too big for their crusher.

So, I called Carmax (because "we'll buy anythng") and they actually said they'd buy it. Drove it in for an appraisal, and after about half an hour or so they came back with an amount that my van was worth to them. $50.00. That's right. Five-zero. Granted all they were going to do is send it to an auction block and can't guarantee any return on their part, but I was at least hoping for maybe 500. Ouch. However, the guy that was helping me out, told me about a program called AirCheckTexas sponsored by the Houston-Galveston Area Council. Meeting the requirements of the program, I am eligible to receive a voucher to take to the dealer with my vehicle and get 3000 off a trade in. Pretty sweet, no?

Hopefully in about 2-3 weeks, I'll be driving around in a newer and more reliable, although substantially less stylish, vehicle.


Also, the heater broke in the house again. Same night the temperature dropped to the mid-thirties (wtf?) It is once again fixed though. Not as major as last time we had no heat.

School is going well. Passed my Tai Chi midterm, doing reasonably well in my Programming class, multimedia class, and web design class.

I think that recaps pretty well for now. Mainly I wanted to gripe about my PC being crappy and deciding to hate me.

Til next time,
Stay warm and stay smilin' !
CJ